Dear Shorter People

I'm a "big" girl...vertically speaking that is! Before you ask, I'm six feet tall, not 50...but I might as well be with all the rude stares and inappropriate comments I get on a daily basis as a result of being sooooo tall. For some reason being a tall girl seems to fascinate the masses and no one thinks twice before asking me one of the standard..."you sure are tall, aren't ya?" questions. For the record, yes, I'm painfully aware of how tall I am and you pointing it out to me is not really helpful and just makes me feel like even more of a freak! So, let me just take this opportunity to cover those top questions here and now and never speak of them again, okay?

  1. How tall are you?: I'm six feet tall exactly.
  2. Nuh uh, you're taller than that 'cause I'm six foot two! (Always the first response made by men.): Yes, in fact, I'm exactly six feet tall, really, doctors have verified it...so, the real truth is you're only five foot nine, so stop trying to make yourself feel bigger by making me even taller!
  3. Wow, I didn't think you were THAT tall! (Always the first response made by women.): Yes, I'm THAT tall...why ask me if you think I'm going to lie to you? And making me feel like a freak by accentuating THAT is rude, so stop it! I wouldn't say to you...wow, I didn't think you were THAT fat...so don't say it to me.
  4. Do you play basketball (volleyball)?: No, I play miniature golf...usually my first response when I want a laugh. But seriously, why would you ever ask me this? It's like asking all black people if they run track, or middle-aged white guys if they play golf, or short skinny guys if they're jockeys...you're stereotyping and that's wrong! For the record, no, I hate sports, so I don't play basketball, volleyball, football, or engage in any other activity that requires keeping score.
  5. Where do you buy pants?: In a store! Granted, it's a specialty store and I have a really difficult time finding pants that are long enough, but why is this any of your business anyway?
  6. How tall is your husband?: It doesn't matter how tall he is when we're laying down...doh! I love this question because my husband is in fact two inches shorter than me and it's never been a problem for him (part of the reason why I love him), so why is this of such interest to you?
  7. Do you belong to the tall club?: No, it's funny how I'm actually able to speak the same language as short, fat, stupid, and ugly people...so I don't need to go to a special club!
  8. Are your parents tall?: Again, does it really matter...all I want to do is buy this tube of toothpaste lady, so what's with all the biology questions?
  9. What size shoes do you wear?: The big kind, size 12 if you really must know. I'd pretty much fall over if I didn't have large feet, so get over it. Oh, and yes, I do wear heals...you're the one who seems to have a problem with that, not me!
  10. Mommy, she's soooo big!: A child actually said this to me in her "outside" voice in the middle of a grocery store...seriously people, keep your kids away from me before I step on them with my size 12 shoes!!!

2 comments:

  1. Hey, what size bra do you wear?

    I just thought I'd ask you a stupid question that has nothing to do with your height.

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  2. As a big girl (vertically AND horizontally), I thought this was hilarious and so spot on it hurt.

    ReplyDelete